Knowledge is Power

A while ago, I posted about becoming an irreplaceable employee. Someone (I won’t punish you by publishing your name) forwarded me this article referring to the same idea, just a different tactic.

http://msn.careerbuilder.com/Article/MSN-2977-Workplace-Issues-6-tips-for-becoming-an-irreplaceable-employee/?sc_extcmp=JS_2977_advice&SiteId=cbmsn42977&catid=wi

It seems that Mr. Laurence Shatkin, Ph.D. can’t quite get enough of the ass kissing employees at his place of employment, so he’s advising employees that work elsewhere to do it as well. I wonder if there’s some kind of boss’ network where there are kick backs for brainwashing other boss’ employees into thinking that they need to do these types of things to get ahead? I can almost hear the phone call:

“Frank, it’s Laurence. Dude, I’ve got a good one here. How about I publish an article saying the best way to keep your job during this recession is to do the landscaping at your boss’ house? I’ll put a spin on it and make it sound like it’s the new thing to do. I’ll say something like, ‘Yes, it’s hard work, but your boss will appreciate the fact that you go the extra mile to make sure that everything is taken care of and running smoothly.’  It’ll be gold!  ”

“I love it Laurence! I haven’t been liking how my wife’s been looking at the gardener lately anyway. What will it take to make this happen?”

“Frank, we’ve been at this for a while, and I like you, so here’s what we’ll do: get ten other CEO’s to pitch in ten thousand each, and I’ll have them doing your landscaping AND detailing your cars.”

C’mon now, who the hell does this shit?

“3. Be exceptionally productive. This doesn’t necessarily mean working longer hours. It’s more important to find a task or role you can handle that goes beyond your job description. Here again, skills are important because they are the key to productivity. If you have any time and energy to spare, volunteer to take over a small task that unburdens your manager or a co-worker; this both broadens your skill set and showcases your productivity. Don’t catch yourself saying, ‘That’s not my job.'”

I’ve said it once, I’ll say it again…you want to be “irreplaceable” at your job?

Don’t “be a mentor”, you’re just training the person who’s going to replace you for a reduced salary. Don’t “unburden your manager or a co-worker”, let them bury themselves, then step in, clean up the mess and be the hero. Hide reports and manuals where only you can find them. New piece of equipment? Learn how to use it yourself and show NO ONE ELSE!

Is all of this a form of douchbaggery? Yes, it is, but you’re now more irreplaceable than the ass kissing, brown nosing, nut hugger that follows your boss around all day laughing at their lame jokes and telling them how brilliant they are.

Fight the Power & KCCO

Speak No Evil

 

Speak no evil.

By this, I don’t mean “don’t say anything nasty or mean”. What I’m trying to convey is the idea that one should not spread their ignorance of a subject, like a virus, through the work place.

A rumor or incorrect interpretation about a policy or law can be costly, and, if you’re the one being called on the carpet about the infraction, can make you look foolish. When a new policy roles out, make yourself familiar with it. Not just what it says, but how it will be enforced and any and all loopholes to that policy. Be aware if that policy violates any state or federal employment or labor laws. If you belong to a union, DO NOT RELY ON YOUR STEWARD TO CHECK IT FOR YOU! I’ll speak more about my views on unions in a later post, but, for now, I’ll say this: The only person that will ever fight 110% for you is you!!!

Becoming familiar with local and federal laws regarding employment is an easy thing to do. Find a Human Resources rep from another company and make friends. Find an employment attorney and make contact. Most attorneys will talk to you (briefly) for no cost. If you are going to use the internet, use a reputable source for information (Wikipedia is NOT a reliable source). Take a class or six at your local community college (time permitting). Classes are usually inexpensive and it always looks good on a resume to have those classes (even if you have been using the knowledge gained for nefarious purposes). Last, but certainly not least, pick up a book. Yes, it’s old school, but people today got smart somehow before the internet existed.

I will warn you, the guy at the bar who’s been on unemployment from six different jobs may have been through the system plenty of times, but that doesn’t make him an authority on the law! Your cousin, Sal, who made it through a half semester of law school may have theories about what happens at your work place, but he’s not up to date on the ever evolving laws of employment and labor.

Being a grunt worker doesn’t mean you have to be a dumb grunt worker. Most employers would probably prefer that their employees never question. That allows them room to cut corners and break rules. It’s kind of a “Feed ’em shit and keep ’em in the dark” mentality (credit to The Departed). DON”T BE THE DUMB GRUNT! Knowing the ins and outs of what they can and can’t do makes you hold power. It makes them watch their step around you. It makes them want to avoid you when it’s time for the proverbial shit to roll down hill.

 

Fight the Power & KCCO

The Bunker Store

One of the things I want to address is pranks at work. I, of all people, understand your level of frustration and possibly anger at your co-workers/boss.However, there is a clear line between a prank and assault. I received an email recently from an over zealous fan outlining a plan to make a pan of laxative brownies for his boss. Hilarity would no doubt ensue, however, so would criminal charges.

A prank to disrupt the day or work flow should involve no injury to a person (or property…no upper deckers). While it may be amusing and it may vent your frustration, being arrested doesn’t get you where you want to be.

Here are some at work pranks and toys to fill the time you should be working with non prison sex type terror

http://astore.amazon.com/workplaceterrorism-20

Included in the list are some Employment Law books (light reading, I know). Be educated in your fight against the power. Nothing scares the hell out of HR and managers like a pissed off employee that knows what is and is not allowed in the work place.

Fight the Power & KCCO

Still Want a Bachelors?

MSN takes a minute to discuss being unemployed or underemployed…

http://www.msnbc.msn.com/id/47141463/ns/business-stocks_and_economy/#.T51adFH–rk

So, by now you’ve figured out (maybe) that having a bachelors degree is no longer a golden ticket into the chocolate factory. At least that’s my hope.

Having that bachelors degree has become the norm in a lot of places, meaning that having that degree is becoming more and more worthless. This, in turn, makes only having a high school diploma or GED even less note worthy. People with a bachelor degree are now becoming waiters and waitresses. Your salesperson at your local mall probably has a bachelor degree. Hell, I’ve met stock boys at parts stores that have a bachelor degree. What’s the deal?

It’s no secret that there are less and less jobs in the US due to outsourcing and small businesses being swallowed up by big businesses. Less US based jobs and less local business means less jobs for the everyday people. Now you’re an employer at a local eatery. You have a waitstaff position open and are looking at two resumes. One is a high school graduate with two years of experience in the field. The other is a college graduate with a bachelors degree in English. Now I would take real world experience everyday, but most employers are opting for the person with the degree. Don’t ask me how an English degree helps you serve food,  I don’t own or run a local eatery.

The problem for those of us with just a high school diploma is that our end of the job market (mainly the service industries) are being flooded with college graduates that hold useless degrees.  An employer in the service industry sees a degree listed on a resume and gets all willy nilly. In a sea of high school graduates, a college degree is going to stick out. THAT DOES NOT MEAN THE COLLEGE KID IS THE BEST PERSON FOR THE JOB!!!  To me, if you’ve gone to college in the last twenty years and majored in Philosophy, English, Zoology, Theater, or any “humanity” studies, you’ve wasted your time and I don’t want you wasting mine.

Fight the Power & KCCO

College…The New High School?

And the hits just keep coming.

I’m starting to think I should rename this blog “College…The New High School”.

Listed on Yahoo News:

http://education.yahoo.net/articles/is_going_to_college_worth_it.htm?kid=1LDVY

Is A College Degree Worth It?

The article looks at both pro and anti arguments, mentioning some big hitters off the top. Obama and Santorum. Personally, I couldn’t care less what either of them have to say about education. They’re politicians. What ever they’re saying is a way for them to further their own political agenda and has nothing to do with the average, everyday person.

The bottom line is this : you can go to college and become one of the masses of people that have a BA or BS, the try to make yourself standout more by trudging on for an MBA or PhD (which will soon become the norm as well), or you can hit a trade school and join the blue collar world.

I’m pretty sure it goes without saying, but my vote is to go blue collar and then strike out on your own. Find that something that you can pour yourself into and then make it your own. Build YOUR OWN business around what you love. Use that money you would’ve spent hiding behind school walls and start something that’s YOURS. Once you have that something that’s yours, hire people. Real world people. Train them. Make them as good as you’ve become and treat them like family. They are your lifeblood.

Fight the Power & KCCO

The Internet (College Substitute)

As I briefly touched on in my last post, there isn’t much that you can’t learn on the internet these days. As if hearing my voice (or perhaps just reading my blog) LifeHacker, leader in all things hackable, has posted a fantastic article about how you can learn anything.  With the right motivation, dedication, time, and boo-boo times, you can do damn near anything thanks to the internets and it’ll only cost your what ever you ISP (Internet Service Provider) charges you.

The article covers:

Repair just about anything

Pick up an artistic skill

Learn to defend yourself

Improve your design skills

Pick up just about any course you missed in college

Build and hack electronic hardware

Play a (new) instrument

Cook like a pro

Become Fluent in a language

Make a website, create an app, or learn to code

 

Unfortunately, it still doesn’t replace a college diploma, so the suits and egg heads won’t be giving you the job, but you’ll have some real world experience instead of a theory that you once read about in a book.

http://lifehacker.com/5905835/top-10-highly%20desired-skills-you-can-teach-yourself?utm_campaign=socialflow_lifehacker_facebook&utm_source=lifehacker_facebook&utm_medium=socialflow

F- your $90,000 educational ways.

Follow LifeHacker on Facebook here:

http://www.facebook.com/lifehacker

Fight the Power & KCCO

To Be or Not To

So now that I am gainfully unenjoyed (see what I did there? Makes me feel better about the whole thing), I come to a crossroad.

I have maintained for years that a degree of higher learning is a waste of time and money. What has taken someone with a BS or BA four years and roughly $90,000 to achieve, I can do on the internet in six months to a year of intense study and/or OJT (On the Job Training). A degree isn’t a boiled down, hard shot of solid information that is critical to a future job that you may have. Nay, young scholar. A degree is one year of drunken mistakes and awkwardness, followed by two years of classes that don’t relate to anything that you will remotely see again in your lifetime, followed by one year of studies that actually mean something, followed by being thrust into the workforce, where you learn that half of what you just learnt is outdated information. Oh, and Ramon Noodles.

I have always favored real world experience over those who have spent years hiding behind academic walls. Give me someone who has been in the field rather than someone that has only read about the theory of grass growing.

Unfortunately, I am finding that the job market does not agree with me. Gone are the days of “Entry Level” and “OJT” positions that pay anything above poverty level wages. Employers now want someone that can not just clean the toilets, they should also be able to rework the payroll, as well as act as a VP of Marketing and have no less than five years experience running heavy equipment. If you don’t have a Masters Degree, don’t bother applying.

Don’t misunderstand my frustration, fellow WPT, I would never go back to what I have left. I am still working towards what I love. I just fail to see where employers think they’ll find someone that will clean urine from the floors for $7.25 an hour with no benefits, no vacation, working six days a week, with only a Wednesday off. I guess the issue is that someone will take that job. Someone is always desperate enough.

What if we weren’t though? What if we, as workers, finally put our foot down and said “NO”? No more working weekends. No more working through lunch and dinner. No more mandated overtime. Business use to be Monday through Friday from 9-5. Closed Sundays. Closed Holidays. One parent worked and people made the money needed to have a house and a car. When did we become such whores? At what point did we decide to value our boss and co-workers over our family and friends? At my last job I saw my boss for a total of 60 hours a week. I saw my children for 27 hours a week. How is that okay?

Let me give you my theory. Let’s all jump in the time machine I’ve created (oh, wait, I never went to college so there’s NO WAY I built one of those) and head on back to the 1940s.

A simple time…some would say full of simple people. Simple people who had mother f**king jobs. Most business owners were not college educated. They were “real world”, salt of the earth people. They employed “real world” people. Granted, big business was owned by college educated people, but most of their employees were not. Strangest thing though, they TRAINED them to do the jobs. They (for the most part) worked 9-5. They had Sundays and Holidays off. One parent worked. Unemployment was low, moral was high. Big business did not expect people to magically have all the experience needed to walk into the job and get it done. They worked with their employees and recognized them as the future as their company. They appreciated and valued family values and not just the “bottom dollar”.

But wait! These are stupid, dirty, uneducated people! They can’t possibly be capable of handling life, let alone running a successful business. Perhaps you’re right. Let’s look at how you supremely intelligent, college types handle things.

Back into the time machine. Fly back to 2012. Most business are now owned or run by a college graduate. Unemployment is off the charts. Wal-Marx has put the blue collar mom and pop shops out of business for ever and are now making headlines for being sued. Being sued for what? Sexual bias in promotions. Bribery. Tainted food. Houses in foreclosure because banks give loans they know will never be paid back. Corporate greed is rampant. Work harder and harder to have more and more so that you have less and less time to actually use what you have. “Everybody’s workin’ for the weekend” has become “Everybody’s hoping for 8 hours off to run home to shit, shower and shave”.

Kudos to you of higher knowledge. Without your guidance, we may all be lost in a lush, green field of free weekends and stay at home parents.

Fight the Power

&

KCCO

What I’ve Done

 

I’ve gone quite mad you see. Mad with joy that is.

I got a call from OSHA yesterday. They had several questions about my complaints. Questions like had I brought my concerns to my employers attention before, if I’d like to make a formal or informal complaint, and if I’d like my bosses testicles deep fried or over a salad.

I told them that an informal complaint would be fine. That means (according to the suit I was talking to) that they would send a letter out telling my former employer that they had better fix these issues or else. I’m not sure what the else is.

I was pleased that my former employer would be getting a letter from a government agency. They would be shitting their pants. They’ve ruled over their employees with an iron fist for a long time, crushing anyone who dared stand in their way. Now they were going to have to face the pinky finger of Uncle Sam. I was having a squishy moment just thinking about it. I wanted to run out, have a terrible car accident that horribly mutilated my face, go through painful surgery to put my face somewhat back together, just so I could go back to work unnoticed and watch the melee unfold.

Then, this morning, my friend from work called me. Apparently Uncle Sam was having a very slow day at the office and decided to venture out into the world. Turns out their journey took them to my former place of employment. From what my friend told me the place was in chaos. They wanted a full inspection of the entire building. HAHAHAHAHAHA!

According to my friend, the entire operation has been shut down for the day. Numerous violations in key positions from the receiving bay, to the service area, to my old shop are so bad that OSHA decided business just couldn’t continue. That’s fighting the power! On the down side, business will re-open tomorrow. On the plus side, they will be unable to take any deliveries over two hundred pounds because to forklift is not to specification. Once it is within spec, it still can’t be used because there is no one certified to use it. No batteries can be filled until a special unit is built to house the electrolyte that fills them. Personal Protection Equipment must be purchased and installed and employees must be trained on the proper use of said equipment. The inspection went well….from my perspective. Not only did I manage to shut down any profits for the day, but OSHA also gave all the grunts I left behind a business card so that they can call the next time there is an issue that isn’t being resolved.

There are things in place to help you at your workplace. Take advantage of them.

 

Fight the Power & KCCO

And then it happened

I can’t really say it took me by surprise.

I did what I said what I would do. Walked into my GM’s office and laid it out. I told him I needed a change in schedule. Twelve hour days are taking their toll on my physical and mental well being. I’m seeing my children a paltry thirty minutes a day. I explained that I’m not asking for days off, just an hour here and there. It’s really nothing different than what’s being done for several other employees with the exception being that I’m the only person in my department.

Which takes me to my next point made. I have been asking for more than a month for another employee to be hired to assist me in my duties. Naturally, No one was willing to take the job.

My GM took a moment to look like he was smelling something awful (I swear I showered) then said “I’m not mad at you, but we aren’t going to change the scheduling just for you.”

To which I replied, “I’m not mad at you either, but I’m going to go ahead and leave early today.”

He, again, made a funny face which I can best describe as this:

and said, “If you do leave early, take your things with you and don’t return.”

I have to admit, I was a bit shocked. Perhaps I bought a bit too much into my own hype. I made a power play and lost. Well, too late to turn back now. I left early and took my things with me. I did not return. I spent the next day making several phone calls.

The first was to OSHA. For any readers not from the good old US of A, OSHA stands for Occupational Safety & Health Administration. OSHA deals with things like workplace safety and the employers responsibility to keep all of us grunts healthy, warm and cozy. They are a government regulatory agency that justifies their jobs by going after employers that don’t keep us safe. They weren’t happy with the things I told them. Equipment that was being used by people with no certifications. Equipment being used improperly around customers and their children. Battery acid flowing like a river through the back of one of the shops. A CandyLand game that was missing several pieces. I hung up with a promise that the stormtroopers would be dispatched immediately.

My second call was to the three major suppliers of the product that my now former employer sells. They weren’t happy when I explained in great detailed that my extensive training consisted of the owner saying, “safety, safety, safety” at me, and walking away. Considering that the products we put out can cause severe injury and/or death if not assembled or delivered properly, the suppliers seemed to be taking it pretty well. By that I mean they kind of

over the phone. They wanted names, dates, and times. I, oddly enough, had kept meticulous records of all they asked for.

The third call I made was to an attorney who specializes in matters of the ADA. Now the ADA is the Americans with Disabilities Act. Am I disabled? That’s for my doctor to say. The point of this call is to strike fear and confusion. When my attorney calls and then visits my former employer panic will ensue. My former employer frequently urinates at the site of those educated in the ways of the law. They tend to try to pay their way out of anything that even smells like it may see the inside of a court of law. I’m not trying to get paid for anything but I am trying to throw them into one hell of a panic thinking that.

I did make a final phone call. I called my friend that still works there. I gave him a heads up. There was a shit storm coming that I had started and I was sure he was going to get caught up in it.

I could’ve stayed. I could’ve left and just kept my mouth shut. I could’ve done a lot of things, if I didn’t do the things I’ve done though, I wouldn’t be

FIGHTING THE POWER

&

KCCO

The promotion

A disturbing trend has become more and more apparent to me. Somehow the practice of promoting the most qualified person has become a thing of the past. Instead, it seems that the people getting promoted are under achievers with no real job knowledge but they’re either “yes men” or bff’s with the person doing the hiring.

Why is this? When did the mentality switch from the sane to the absurdly insane? Allow me to offer you my theory.

People that are “go getters” and have a strong work ethic always see things that they can improve upon. Rarely are they content with the day to day operations in the work place and they come up with a plethora of ways to streamline things. Stop doing duplicate paperwork, cut out the middle man, improve employee moral. All things that would, in the long run, make the company more efficient. Also, all things that management sees as a pain in the ass to change.

Managers, bosses, and owners all ready have the daily flow set to their wants. They tinkered with things at the start of the business or their tenure and have found just the right mix of work and mind numbing elevator music to get through a day and show a small profit. They don’t want innovative thinking. They don’t want “out of the box” people. They do want mindless drones that won’t question what they are told to do and crack the whip until everyone else stays in step.

When I look back at the different jobs that I have been promoted at, most of them were a situation that, if I hadn’t been promoted, I would’ve been fired. Once I was promoted, if I showed any movement towards trying to change things, I was demoted or transferred to another department.

My lovely wife (who is a damned genius) can’t get promoted because she sees thousands of ways to save the company money by streamlining endless processes. Instead, she gets berated for “upsetting the apple cart” and they promote the guy that barely shows up for work on time.

There is a reason places of business are falling by the dozen. It’s not a lack of demand for product, or not being economically viable, it’s a lack of ability to adapt to new times. It’s a lack of innovation. It’s conforming to the status quo and never trying to go beyond that.

Fight the Power & KCCO