What I’ve Done

 

I’ve gone quite mad you see. Mad with joy that is.

I got a call from OSHA yesterday. They had several questions about my complaints. Questions like had I brought my concerns to my employers attention before, if I’d like to make a formal or informal complaint, and if I’d like my bosses testicles deep fried or over a salad.

I told them that an informal complaint would be fine. That means (according to the suit I was talking to) that they would send a letter out telling my former employer that they had better fix these issues or else. I’m not sure what the else is.

I was pleased that my former employer would be getting a letter from a government agency. They would be shitting their pants. They’ve ruled over their employees with an iron fist for a long time, crushing anyone who dared stand in their way. Now they were going to have to face the pinky finger of Uncle Sam. I was having a squishy moment just thinking about it. I wanted to run out, have a terrible car accident that horribly mutilated my face, go through painful surgery to put my face somewhat back together, just so I could go back to work unnoticed and watch the melee unfold.

Then, this morning, my friend from work called me. Apparently Uncle Sam was having a very slow day at the office and decided to venture out into the world. Turns out their journey took them to my former place of employment. From what my friend told me the place was in chaos. They wanted a full inspection of the entire building. HAHAHAHAHAHA!

According to my friend, the entire operation has been shut down for the day. Numerous violations in key positions from the receiving bay, to the service area, to my old shop are so bad that OSHA decided business just couldn’t continue. That’s fighting the power! On the down side, business will re-open tomorrow. On the plus side, they will be unable to take any deliveries over two hundred pounds because to forklift is not to specification. Once it is within spec, it still can’t be used because there is no one certified to use it. No batteries can be filled until a special unit is built to house the electrolyte that fills them. Personal Protection Equipment must be purchased and installed and employees must be trained on the proper use of said equipment. The inspection went well….from my perspective. Not only did I manage to shut down any profits for the day, but OSHA also gave all the grunts I left behind a business card so that they can call the next time there is an issue that isn’t being resolved.

There are things in place to help you at your workplace. Take advantage of them.

 

Fight the Power & KCCO

And then it happened

I can’t really say it took me by surprise.

I did what I said what I would do. Walked into my GM’s office and laid it out. I told him I needed a change in schedule. Twelve hour days are taking their toll on my physical and mental well being. I’m seeing my children a paltry thirty minutes a day. I explained that I’m not asking for days off, just an hour here and there. It’s really nothing different than what’s being done for several other employees with the exception being that I’m the only person in my department.

Which takes me to my next point made. I have been asking for more than a month for another employee to be hired to assist me in my duties. Naturally, No one was willing to take the job.

My GM took a moment to look like he was smelling something awful (I swear I showered) then said “I’m not mad at you, but we aren’t going to change the scheduling just for you.”

To which I replied, “I’m not mad at you either, but I’m going to go ahead and leave early today.”

He, again, made a funny face which I can best describe as this:

and said, “If you do leave early, take your things with you and don’t return.”

I have to admit, I was a bit shocked. Perhaps I bought a bit too much into my own hype. I made a power play and lost. Well, too late to turn back now. I left early and took my things with me. I did not return. I spent the next day making several phone calls.

The first was to OSHA. For any readers not from the good old US of A, OSHA stands for Occupational Safety & Health Administration. OSHA deals with things like workplace safety and the employers responsibility to keep all of us grunts healthy, warm and cozy. They are a government regulatory agency that justifies their jobs by going after employers that don’t keep us safe. They weren’t happy with the things I told them. Equipment that was being used by people with no certifications. Equipment being used improperly around customers and their children. Battery acid flowing like a river through the back of one of the shops. A CandyLand game that was missing several pieces. I hung up with a promise that the stormtroopers would be dispatched immediately.

My second call was to the three major suppliers of the product that my now former employer sells. They weren’t happy when I explained in great detailed that my extensive training consisted of the owner saying, “safety, safety, safety” at me, and walking away. Considering that the products we put out can cause severe injury and/or death if not assembled or delivered properly, the suppliers seemed to be taking it pretty well. By that I mean they kind of

over the phone. They wanted names, dates, and times. I, oddly enough, had kept meticulous records of all they asked for.

The third call I made was to an attorney who specializes in matters of the ADA. Now the ADA is the Americans with Disabilities Act. Am I disabled? That’s for my doctor to say. The point of this call is to strike fear and confusion. When my attorney calls and then visits my former employer panic will ensue. My former employer frequently urinates at the site of those educated in the ways of the law. They tend to try to pay their way out of anything that even smells like it may see the inside of a court of law. I’m not trying to get paid for anything but I am trying to throw them into one hell of a panic thinking that.

I did make a final phone call. I called my friend that still works there. I gave him a heads up. There was a shit storm coming that I had started and I was sure he was going to get caught up in it.

I could’ve stayed. I could’ve left and just kept my mouth shut. I could’ve done a lot of things, if I didn’t do the things I’ve done though, I wouldn’t be

FIGHTING THE POWER

&

KCCO

A Child Works Here

 

Ah, back to a twelve hour work day. It’s my favorite time of year. Here I am, all by my lonesome, working an exhausting amount of time with nothing to do but declare war on those that would oppress my Spring time joy and happiness.

I did attempt a negotiation with the morons I work for. For the last month, they have frantically been searching for someone to work with me. Oddly enough, not many people want to work 12 hours a day, 5 days a week, with split days off for a six-pence. I offered my solution, first to my GM, who referred me to the owner.

Luckily, I didn’t have to go far to find him, being that he’s still playing the role of a tumor on my side. I broached the subject at a slow moment. I explained that, the reason we are having trouble finding people to hire, is because of the long hours and lousy pay rate. A possible solution would be to hire several part time employees with a rotating schedule so that the hours worked wouldn’t be so long and the pay would seem equal to the tasks. I also explained that hiring part time employees will benefit the company because it would save on the excessive amount of overtime pay. He replied that “We’ve never had part time and we never will.” Excellent retort sir! Allow me to rebut with this:

This has got to be one of my favorite types of responses from a boss/owner. The solution to a problem facing the company has an easy solution that an employee comes up with is denied because the boss “says so”. There is no reason given. There is no discussion. There is no placating. It’s just “because I said so”.

Like a parent that doesn’t want to explain a decision to a toddler, the owner had just smashed my idea without ever hearing it. Nothing says that you value your employees opinions and ideas quite like ignoring them. I even offered to make and keep track of the scheduling so that a manager didn’t have to. What was I thinking? If I can’t possibly be trusted to run a copier how the hell could I make and keep a schedule? Never mind that I have supervised and scheduled a shift of ten other employees at a previous job.

So here’s my retort. Tomorrow I will go to work and tell them I either need to be part time, or I need a LARGE raise for all the hours I’m working, or I’m going to leave for other employment. I would imagine, given past events, that the owner will have an epiphany that we should hire part time employees, have a rotating shift, let that Jon guy do the scheduling, and think of the money we’ll save not paying overtime! Whatever. At least I’ll work less hours.

 

Fight the Power & KCCO

 

Secret Squirrel Part 2

Remember way back in grade school the “I know something you don’t know” game? Okay, it wasn’t really a game. It was more like you wanted someone to beg you to tell them what you were talking about. Does this sort of stupidity go on as adults? You bet your sticky buns it does. It happened to me today.

The owner, once again, decided to “assist” me today.  I think I’m actually getting use to his stench of greed. Makes me want to vomit.  As we knocked out one project after another, the GM must have sensed that the umbilical cord that links him and the owner was drying out. He visited my area three times. Every time, he would say something cryptic to the owner like “Hey, that thing we talked about the other day will be taken care of. Frank will call me back to let me know”. To which the owner would reply,”I have no idea what you’re talking about.”

An hour later he would try again.”The paper work for the stuff we needed is taken care of. It shouldn’t be a problem to move forward with that project.” Again, the response was “I still have no idea what you mean.”

Finally, in a desperate cry for attention

GM: “I need some help figuring what to do with the ten extra widgets.”

Owner: “Put them in the warehouse, like we always do.”

GM: “But we might not have room in the warehouse.”

Owner: “Well call the warehouse and see if they have room.”

GM < in a terribly whiny voice > “Can’t you just come to my office and we can talk about what to do with them?”

Owner: “Figure it out.”

I realized something that I don’t like but will take advantage of. My GM apparently has daddy abandonment issues. He was playing a grade school game to lure the owner away from me and back to his office. The owner wanted nothing to do with this little game and paid no attention to the babble talk. It was great. I, however, couldn’t just let all of this go unpunished. I refuse to be drawn in to the game of “I’ve got a secret”. Instead, I did what any good workplace terrorist would do. I didn’t beg to be included in whatever was going on. I didn’t think, for hours, about what my GM was alluding to. I took the grown up approach and made up my own secret that I wouldn’t let him in on. I’m betting he won’t sleep to well tonight trying to figure out what in the hell I meant by “nothing says lovin like muffins fresh from the oven”.

 

Fight the Power & KCCO

Ask and ye shall receive (& then wish you hadn’t)

 

So a few days ago I had words with my boss about my work load (see https://workplaceterrorism.wordpress.com/2012/02/25/yakity-yak-i-talked-back/)

Apparently he passed on that information to the owner. When I arrived at work today, the owner came to me and said that he would be “helping me out” all day. Needless to say, I was overcome by emotion. I felt like Maury Povich had just announced I wasn’t the father. I wanted to run, jump for joy, and wet my pants all at the same time. My nice quiet day would now be blessed with the owners presence. So much for any plans of terror for the day.

It didn’t take long for me to figure out why the owner had forgone things like running the business to spend quality time with me. He was testing me. Timing my day. He wanted to be sure that I was giving him an eight hour day by trying to out work me. I was fairly certain that he would fail.

The owner has been in the business for quite sometime. He prides himself on being able to pick out mistakes and tells his employees to live by the book (of instructional information). The first three jobs he did were incomplete. After I “instructed” him on the new and improved (read “my”) way to do things, he took a lunch break. When he came back from break he tried again, but this time he shadowed me. He watched what I did, then copied it. Over the next two jobs he cut his production time and completed the jobs correctly. I felt accomplished. He didn’t fight me over my improvements, nor did he reference his “book”. I felt things were going great.

When my GM made a special guest appearance I was proved an idiot. The owner immediately called the GM over and showed him the improvements that he had come up with during our time together. I was livid. I don’t expect any recognition for improvements that I make, but I don’t exactly take a shine to someone taking credit for them in my place…even if it is the owner. I said nothing and began plotting.

When I arrive tomorrow, I’ll ask the owner to give me a hand with a few jobs and show him things that are completely wrong, but close enough to be believable. I”ll let him complete some jobs and then turn it all over to the GM for his approval. The GM will have two choices; either lie and say the jobs are correct, or tell his boss, the owner, that he is incompetent. I’m betting on the lie. When he approves these jobs, I will emulate the owner and not complete the jobs correctly. When my GM calls me on it, I’ll call in the owner and ask him to show me how it’s done. It will still be wrong and my GM will be forced to tell him he’s wrong. Yahtzee, or checkmate, or some other games catch phrase.

Bottom line is this: my day could’ve gone down the crapper, but I didn’t let it. I took what was suppose to be a kick to my crotch and Chuck Norrised the poop out of it. Now you do the same. Take the poo your boss has handed to you, shine it up real nice, and give it to him as a “Boss of the Year” award. It’s still shit, but he’ll put it on his desk because he’s a window licking moron.

Fight the Power & KCCO